The Great Interview Experiment with the Uncouth Heathen

Interviews have always fascinated me.  I love to see the little aspects into people that helped shape them as people.  I love to hear the interesting little tidbits that are funny, touching, or just plain weird.  Celebrity interviews don’t really do it for me, unless their story is particularly compelling.  It is the interviews of writers, scientists, community activists, or artists which I find interesting.  That is why when Neil from Citizen of the Month started the Great Interview Experiment where bloggers got to interview each other, I jumped right on that.  And who I got to interview was Linsey the Uncouth Heathen someone that I hadn’t read before, but who is a hilarious, honest, direct… and did I mention hilarious. It turns out that her and I have alot in common.

Here is the interview with Linsey at the Uncouth Heathen. If you like the interview, you should read her blog!

What kind of music do you love?

I love all sorts of music.  I can’t really think of a genre where there is a song I don’t like.  Except for Blues, Christian, Reggae, New Age, Jazz, Big Band, Beatboxing, Hororcore rap, Heavy Metal, anything with a flute and those sons of bitches with their Jaipongan rhythmic dance music. My brother in law is a teacher and one of his students once did a Mujaheddin Rap, so I’m going to stick with that as my current favorite.

Is there any song, quote, or piece of literature that serves as a personal manifesto?

Yes.  Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.

You have a very through life and 100 things list.  How often do you refer to it?  Do you actively try to work on stuff throughout the year?

Well, we’re getting down to the wire here and it’s clear that some things just aren’t going to happen, like learning to be a better communicator.  Sorry Janie, but fuck that!  I do look at it through the year to motivate myself to get things done.  Most of it is related to things I need to do around the house and I’m diligently working on those as we speak.  I’m waiting for the delivery of tiles for the bathroom floor and last night I puttied the bathroom walls.  Tonight I’m going to paint in there and then we’ll see what happens in the coming weeks. I usually come in at something like 35%.  I realize in the academic world that’s complete and total failure, but in my world it’s like I’ve completed one thing for every year I’ve been alive and then a few extra and that’s pretty fantastic, if you ask me.

I see that you shattered your nose playing soccer.  I broke my nose three times.  I cannot play softball without flinching or watch any boxing movie with a full breaking nose money shot (like Cinderella Man or Million Dollar Baby) without literally crying an ugly cry.  Is this just me?

OH MY GOD.  I know.  I am very protective of my face.  I don’t like people touching my nose because pretty soon I’ll be like Michael Jackson with the face mask and all the tape holding it together and stuff if I’m not careful.  I actually had part of my septum removed and implanted on the bridge of my nose to keep it from collapsing.  That’s how bad things were when it shattered.  It was an ugly mess.  I actually thought someone kicked my nose off my face when it happened and on the way to the hospital I had to look in the mirror to make sure it was still there.  I can’t stand watching movies where people break their noses or get hit in the face because GOD DAMN, that’s unpleasant.

You have such a diverse background in school, and I see you want to return to grad school.  What degree do you want to obtain?

It’s a toss up between psychology and divinity/comparative religion.  I’m really interested in religion from the perspective of a person who is not religious at all.  The way in which people have done things all in the name of religion both fascinates and disgusts me.  I’d love to be more educated about all of that and then eventually write about it as a person who thinks it’s ridiculous.  At the same time, the idea that I could be a counselor and help people is a wonderful idea that I sort of became fascinated with when I spent a few years studying to be a Chemical Dependency Counselor (which I now know is a job I would never want to have).  There is a part of me that would really enjoy working with kids who are struggling with their sexuality, to help them realize they’re good people.  I could have used someone like that when I was growing up, but they’re hard to find in a Catholic grade school.  You know, except for those priests.

You are starting a 5 week course on the Buddhist philosophy of loving kindness?  Have you studied Buddhist tenets long?

I have read a lot about Buddhism, but I can’t really say I’ve studied it. I’m more into the philosophy than the “religion” because basically, it’s about not being an asshole to other people or the world.  I have a postcard that says “Don’t Be a Jerk” and I try really hard to live by that and I think Buddhism helps me focus on that idea, that I can be a better person by just being nice and thoughtful.  It’s funny, because as a society we spend so much time trying to categorize one another.  Are you male or female?  Gay or straight?  What’s your religion?  What’s you’re race?  What country are you from? It goes on and on and ultimately it’s like we’re trying to find a reason to disregard one another, to just narrow humanity down to a small number of people we find acceptable to share the earth with.  It’s so silly.  Except for those Scientologists.  Tom Cruise can go straight to hell. (I’m kidding.  Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke, right? God, this loving kindness is SO HARD!)  But back to your question.  I consider myself a Buddhist more than I consider myself any other type of religious person because it is the least threatening to me and because it’s the one philosophy that I’ve learned the most from.  It’s all just about being a better person every day and not beating yourself up for all those times you slip up and refer to your wife as a dirty whore.  Because people aren’t perfect and she probably deserved it.

Speaking of religions, I too was raised Catholic and, even though I ran the opposite direction and will never look back, it is amazing how much it has influenced me to this day.  I know many lapsed Christians who don’t understand how much the teachings, the attitude, the tone can permeate your life. Can you share some examples of how it has influenced you?

Coming away from Catholicism after many years is something that can’t be understood by people who have never been through it, like war and a Celine Dion concert.  You can’t explain it to other people and have them understand the sheer terror.  Not a day goes by where I don’t worry that something I have said or done is going to send me to hell.  I sometimes think maybe I should consider the possibility that there is no God, but can you imagine if I said that out loud?  You can’t escape it, the guilt and judgment.  Even if you think you have, it sneaks up on you, sometimes at the weirdest places, like when you’re shoplifting at the Love Zone.  There’s that niggling little voice in the back of your head telling you, “You are going straight to hell if you steal the leopard print vibrator.  Go for the red one. Amen.”  It’s horrifying.  I went to church for my nephew’s baptism, which was only the second time I’d been in probably 10 years, the other for a wedding.  I realized that the one thing you truly never forget, no matter how long you’ve been away, is the ritual.  You know when to sit, stand and kneel, all the words to the standard responses to prayers and gospels, and every single song.  Sometimes at night I sing Janie to sleep with On Eagle’s Wings.  It was always a favorite.  Also, just for the record, I want to tell you that I was an altar girl in the 7th and 8th grades.  I did it because it made sitting through mass a lot easier.  I was never a very attentive Christian.

You have alot of travel on your life list.  What was your best vacation and why?

Oh.  Well, I’m going to split this in two.  My best vacation without Janie was when I spent Christmas in Augsburg, Germany, where my mother is from.  I have never in my life celebrated a Christmas that felt so real and genuine and cozy.  It was nothing like the commercial bullshit that it is in America.  It was snowy and beautiful and we spent Christmas Eve in a cold stone church at midnight mass (which wasn’t horrible because it was in German and I can’t understand a lick of that) and the night before that in the town square where they had what’s called Christkindlmarkt or the German Christmas market. This is where people gather to enjoy the Christmas season and buy baked goods, sweets and toys and other local and regional specialties.  It’s ridiculously sweet and it was easily the best Christmas and vacation I’d ever had.  My best vacation with Janie was when we took a two week road trip to California.  There is no one I’d ever want to spend two weeks in a car with other than her.  We had the best and most relaxing time with the exception of a 2-hour stretch where I lost my shit a little near Pismo Beach, which is just something that she’s come to expect from me, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.  When I travel I make very detailed and elaborate Excel spreadsheets and if something goes awry and we have to alter it, I go a little nutty.  I do not like to stray from the spreadsheet.

Are you a planner or a fly by the seat of your pants type person?

You see, the Excel spreadsheet makes me seem like an anal-retentive planner and I am, but I also like to make spontaneous decisions.  It’s a grave conflict in my human nature.  The two shouldn’t really be mixed together in one single person.  It’s a recipe for disaster.  I’m pretty good at making calculated decisions when it comes to things like whether I should pay the mortgage or lose all self-control at Costco.  I can do that.  I’m also pretty good at planning vacations and making lists to get us through projects around the house.  Around the holidays I like to make a spreadsheet for who we need to buy gifts for and how much we’re spending which makes it easier to see which deadbeat friends we can cut out the next time because you want your return to be at least as good as the investment.  REMEMBER THAT, ALL OF YOU.  But then we come to things like…I’m just going to start chipping tiles off our shower this weekend and then two years later we still can’t use that shower because I didn’t think about the fact that when you take tiles off you have to put new ones on and it takes some planning and some skill.

I see that you are a photographer.  What type do you like?  What influences you?

I really like a lot of black and white photography because you can’t rely on color to make a shot.  Not that color photography is a piece of cake.  Black and white was what got me hooked and now the photos I like the best are abstracts.  I can say that almost every photograph of mine that I have ever really loved has been a complete accident.  I think that a lot of photography is luck.  I recently read an interview with a guy who photographs lightning and he said that it’s more luck than anything, what he does.  You just click and click, hundreds of times, and maybe one photograph is worthwhile.  I feel like that about my own photography.  I have hundreds of photos of people and things and places, but so few that are artistically worthwhile.

Finally, (and IT COMPLETELY SUCKS MONKEY BALLS that I have to even ask this question because you know CIVIL RIGHTS ARE UNIVERSAL and SHOULD NOT CHANGE due to some imaginary fucking line on a map….. but I digress) your life list includes legally marrying Janie.  Would you ever consider moving to make that happen?

I don’t think I should have to move to marry her.  If I move, it’s going to be because I’m running from the cops or I’m expatriating to Italy to live in a villa like Diane Lane in Under he Tuscan Sun.  We’re lucky to have domestic partnership rights in Washington that are now “everyting but marriage. ” This kicked in on December 1st.  We had a referendum to uphold those rights this past election and I’m grateful it passed because now if Janie wants to leave me she has to go to court and my sister is a lawyer so I’m pretty confident I’ll get the dog and our bed when all is said and done. One day I’ll get to marry her and I won’t have to leave my home to do it.  We had a ceremony in Las Vegas a few years back and I really do consider that we are married.  I call her my wife, I wear a wedding ring, I tell my mistresses never to call on the weekend.  It would be nice to have this recognized on a state and federal level, to have equality, but it wouldn’t change our relationship in any way.  We love one another absolutely and nothing will change that except if Terri Clark comes to our house and asks me to move to Canada to be her legal wife.  Only then would I move to get married.

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