China Gold
China Gold. Have you heard of it? China Gold is a new syndrome sweeping China. Not unlike the Bird Flu, China Gold can cause shortness of breath. Other symptoms of China Gold include easy bruising, sore muscles, and perspiration.
What am I talking about?
I have no idea and neither do Olympic commentators.
I love the Olympics. I love the stories, the shear determination, the realization of dreams. I love how we are witness to athletes overcoming obstacles, the fruits of their hard work coming to fruition. It is gritty. It is awe inspiring. It fills me with great pride. My eyes well and tears burn my cheeks.
That is when I am not laughing my ass of or left completely baffled at something that the commentators have said. These people are professionals, right? They are paid to think on their feet. Do they know that they are making no sense whatsoever? Often they are trying to make things sound more flowery or profound then they are capable of doing….. and end up f-ing the entire thing up.
This is the case of China Gold. The quote (and I may not get this completely correct) was, “There is a new syndrome sweeping China and its China Gold.” They do know that a syndrome is not a good thing to have, right? Especially in that part of the world; syndromes can lead to death. Why would you equate a gold medal with a syndrome?
Don’t get near the Chinese. They have that China Gold. It is highly contagious. Oh, wait. Scratch that. Go quickly and lick their hands……
Here are several others that don’t make sense or are ridiculous. Note, that these might not be exact quotes, but they are pretty close.
- ” She went from a little girl to a young woman.” : Damn. How in the hell did that happen? I thought that little girls turned into yetis. Oh wait. Let’s check that sentence construction again (maybe I am opening myself up to criticism of my sentence construction, but I will take the risk). She went…. from a little girl….. to a young woman. Ok, so did she walk from the little girl to the young woman? Did she skip? Was she transporting something from the little girl to the young woman. What in the hell does this have to do with her performance on the uneven bars?
- “Well, its kinda for sure thing.”: How is something a kinda for sure thing? Is it a for sure thing or isn’t it? Don’t call it to early. We know how the 2000 election turned out.
- “It’s a bit like Waiting for Godot“: (said about having to wait your turn on an apparatus). WTF? Because they are waiting? Are they belching and calling each other fart face? Are they waiting by a tree? Are they swapping hats with each other and munching on carrots? Are they singing songs in round? Do they never have their turn? No? Then how in the hell is it like Waiting for Godot?
- “You have to have short term memory loss.” : This is the only explanation on why you fumble your words so much. You have the short term memory loss.
- “The American men don’t know what to hope for”: (said in waiting for the final score of the Chinese to find out what medal they qualified for) Really. Damn. That short term memory loss struck them. Wait, why were they here? To catch China Gold? Oh right, to win a medal. I think they were hoping for a score for the Chinese that would still give them a medal.
Alright, I think that these so called color commentators need to stop talking now. Just stop talking. They are disturbing the salt water facial that has become part of my nightly routine.
7 Responses to “China Gold”
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My least favorite commentator is the female synchronized diving commentator. She gets muted so I can make up my own mind about the dives. I’m thinking, “Wow, that was awesome.” And she’s all, “We can all see how devastating that dive was.” No, I think it’s just you.
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Just wanted to say thank you for what you wrote on my blog. It means the world. I love the title of your blog. And Waiting for Godot, umm, don’t really see the connection between the race and existensialism but okay, whatever commentators. I too vote for watching with the sound off. Peace!
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I agree one hundred percent. Too funny!
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I’m not watching this time, so THANKS for the summary of idiotic commentary. My hoby during football season is to repeat their dumb comments over and over and over to annoy my husband.
Love this blog. I’ll be back soon!
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I did not realize how lame the commentary was until I read your blog. Maybe its the medication!
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You are making me want to watch the Olympics! I could go to town on that Godot thing. Funny!
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Thanks for the comments. So, so lame…. and Godot… well, waiting for a turn = existentialism. I would like to hear the argument.
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