Can I chase monkeys around your establishment? I’ll pay you!

First of all, let me apologize for the long space between posts.  It has been a HELLISH week here.  I have been too drained, too tired, too stressed, too angry, too sad to write anything that didn’t sound like a blabbering, blubbering angry diatribe that would have made no sense to anyone.  I have come to a few soul-crushing realizations this week that have kept me up nights and have often had me going to my children’s  bedrooms to curl up with them for comfort.  I have also made a few necessary resolutions to myself for the sake of my mental health and therefore for the sake of my wonderful husband and children.

This post will, most likely, be full of  non sequiturs that will not make much sense to anyone either….. a series of digressions as my mind wanders from one subject to another.  Please excuse the likes of my wandering brain.

My eye, twitching and swollen, I resembled a leper for the majority of the week.  After four days of home treating a disgusting, infected stye, I decided to go to the Minute Clinic at my local CVS (I don’t have a doctor yet since I have moved here).  I took Sweetie, Wise Guy and my nephew Reverse (because he always has his clothes on backwards) with me.  As soon as the Nurse Practitioner saw me she said, “Oh my GOD, what happened to you?”  Then she said, “You have a RAGING stye (thanks….. I thought this throbbing, crusty eye was completely normal).  You are going to need some ointment. “  After signing in, we entered her office.  The kids were good.  The  N.P. gave them a few stickers when Wise Guy started to fuss a bit because he was TRAPPED in the stroller. Trapping Wise Guy is like trying to cage a wild boar.  He just doesn’t like it.  Once he had the stickers though, he was fine.  The kids were well behaved, Sweetie occasionally standing up in the crowded office (but not moving anywhere).  They talked quietly amogst themselves, and played with their stickers.  The N.P., however, repeated several times, “You certainly have your hands full”  and “You are brave to attempt doing this will ALL THESE KIDS.”  As if I had a choice.  And as if the children were jumping around like lemurs.  HMMM….. let’s see….. let my eye fester longer…. obscuring my vision… making me look like Sloth from the Goonies……or get my ass, kids in tow, to the doctor, and deal with them accordingly.  Tough one.

What does that mean anyway?  Is it simply an observation?  Or is there more to it… like why did you bring the brood out in public? Shouldn’t you be hiding them away somewhere?  And why in the world would you bother me with your offspring and charges?   Be gone with you!  Or is it more like…. I am in awe of your suburb abilities to deal with your affliction while keeping such well behaved children.  You have braved the task, and have succeed.  Let me reward you with some magic potion to cure your ailment.

I prefer to think it the latter.  But in any case, I went back to CVS later that evening alone for something I had forgotten, and she stopped me again on her way out.  She asked me how I was doing and then made it a point to tell me again how full my hands were with all of those kids.  My response was, “Yeah, well…. (shrug).  Thanks for your help.”  I had no idea what to say.  We do what we have to in this world, and the rest is inconsequential.

Tonight, is an entirely different story though.  Tonight, we went out to dinner to a Chinese Buffet, after I discovered that the chicken I had defrosted was enough for one child and one adult.  Besides, both Ben and I were too tired and hungry to cook after a day of walking and spending time at the pool with the kids.  Let’s take a break and eat out (we don’t do it too often….. maybe once/twice a month…. mostly Subway takeout)  Why, oh why, did I think that this would be easier than cooking the meal?  As I said before, Wise Guy is like containing a Wild Boar.  Tonight, containing him was like wrestling a monkey.   He does not want to sit still for the life of him.  He has the need to be in constant motion.  He freed himself from the high chair, latch and all.  He climbed up over me and nearly over the back of the very high booth.  He tried to escape the booth (although I contained him by taking a few punches to the face and kicks to the knee cap) to chase down the waitress.  Sweetie didn’t attempt to leave the booth, but the table was fairly far away from the edge of the seat for her, so she spent the time, slouching and sliding under the table, kneeling and leaning on the table in order to reach her food (for this I can’t blame her.  The table was far for me too…..), occasionally standing on the seat to bend down to reach her food or to point out something on the large beautiful mural on the wall.  It was a draining.

It was like…. Here…. I will pay you five times what I would have spent on a dinner I could have made myself if you allow me the thrill to chase and wrestle monkeys in your establishment.  What do you say?  Do we have a deal?  GREAT!!!!!!  Let me just hand you my wallet, my brain, and my soul right now.  There you go.  Enjoy!

Never again.  Famous last words.  I did give the waiter my brain afterall.

Leave a Reply

Click here to cancel reply.

Username (required) :
Email (required) :
Web Site :
Comment :

Click to cancel reply