The Day I Knew
Tumultuous. One word to characterize the start of our relationship. And yet it cannot capture the pain, the joy, confusion, laughter, self-doubt, pure craziness, sense of failure, and immense love that surrounded us at that time.
True friendship, joy, happiness.
Life upturned. Books, clothes, belongings thrown haphazardly into the hallway.
Laughter into the wee hours of the morning.
Hours spent philosophizing.
Illness.
Hands held.
Slammed doors.
Passion.
Passion.
Passion.
Punches thrown.
Friendship lost.
Sense of failure, of guilt, of disappointment.
It followed us. It consumed us. It lived and breathed in us and we lived and breathed for it. We sucked from the marrow of life, wrapped ourselves in a shroud, sat and waited for the floor to fall out from beneath us, to be in free fall.
Then, one day, it did. I hit bottom first. Ben grabbed a hold of my hand, pulled me from the depths, made me feel loved, cherished, protected.
His descent was soon after; quick, rapid, with lasting effects on his psyche. It was my turn to jump in after him, to show him the very reason for living.
I pushed him into my car without a word. And, although he struggled, I gave him no choice, and he finally conceded. We took a drive. A long drive on a deserted highway. We stopped, far from the city lights, far from the very air that poisoned us. We stood, dead center of the highway, straddling the dashed yellow line, grounded in the hard black asphalt beneath our feet. Without uttering a single word, we looked up. Thousands stars bestowed upon us all their glory. Meteors shot across the sky. And in that moment, it all seemed incredibly small. All our mistakes, all our pain, all our struggles were minutiae compared to the size of the universe.
Ben’s shoulders relaxed. He let out a deep exhale and breathed in. I will never forget the sound of that breathe, like he was breathing in purity, hope. He reached for my hand, turned his face to mine, and said only two words,
“Thank you.”
It was in that very moment, I knew. I knew the depth of our love, our support for one another. We had survived the depths, breathed in hope, and walked forward together hand in hand, souls intertwined.
Since that day, we have suffered many highs, many lows. Our relationship has blossomed, has shape-shifted, waxed and waned. There are moments when we hate each other, when we are disappointed or frustrated in each other, moments when we are the best of friends, moments when we are lovers. But the key is that we hold fast, we rely on each other, we know in a crisis our bond is strong. We don’t let the small daily trials and tribulations contaminate us. We are more than that.
We are built on stardust and asphalt.
I know we will survive.
6 Responses to “The Day I Knew”
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Wow! Love this post, sounds like you have an amazing relationship.
Jeanette´s last blog ..Dandelion magic
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You two are amaizing!!!! This post is amaizing!!! Thank you for sharing!
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I fell soooo much better now! My lung stopped hurting the staples in my head are not itching and my gate is not so funny looking, You are a true joy, you are hope and love in its pure form. I love you, my oldest dauughter with all my heart,and remind you to always remember what you wrote as it will always get you through the tougest times. Love MOM PS I love you too Ben you are always there for Cori and I respect your love for her. You are what all men should be. Thank You!
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I have one of those, too. I’m afraid I don’t tell him often enough, though. Maybe tonight…
The Mother´s last blog ..Madame Trota Tells it All
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Thank you.
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Amazing. Thanks for sharing this with us. Many of us look for the day we knew, many of look for the partner that you can go through the ups and downs with, the partner you can’t stand at one moment, but know in the back of your mind that you love them dearly and through almost anything. Some of us find that partner in a lover, a friend, a spouse, a whatever – I’m glad to read that you have found that in Ben.
Once again thanks for sharing!
TJB´s last blog ..Why Blog?
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